How to Make the Special K Diet Work for You →
3. Duct tape your fingers together so you can’t open that Special K Peaches & Berries Cereal Bar when you aren’t really hungry. Bonus: Also enhances your imitation of The Penguin. “My babies!” you’ll cry as the box slips to the floor again and again. Man, I really love The Hairpin
Tune in to HBO this Friday, January 28th at midnight to see an episode of “The Amazing Adventures of David and Jennie” on Funny or Die Presents! Featuring the dizzying talents of Dave Theune, Alison Becker, Joe Hartzler, Brian Gallivan and Ryan Stanger!
thewordhole: Tyler knew that Mother would tell him to stop scratching at that place, but as he wiped the blood and bits of skin away from the tiny face in the crook of his arm, and it opened its black eyes, he thought, “Now I’ll have someone to talk to.” Mel is a delight
mattandoz: Trailer for Brick Novax’s Diary: A new four part series on Season 2 of Funny Or Die Presents on HBO. Directed by Matt Piedmont, who has a movie coming out hopefully later this year that will kick you in the ass and make out with your lover. I got through half of this before realizing they were dolls.
I just cleaned out my wallet for the first time in years and found some awesome things: -2 gift certificates for movie admission at an AMC Theatre -2 coupons for a complimentary spinach and artichoke dip at Mimi’s Cafe -Gift certificate to Bare Escentuals. So?? Who wants to go on a real cheap date? I promise to wear tons of rouge and only try to french kiss you one time.
Self Absorption at Discount Prices.: 10... →
theidiotking: Good Winter, Mr. Rathbone (And Other Tomes of Seasons Past) The Heart of the Matter. Get it? Well, Do you? I Loved a Strange Woman And She Put A Bullet In My EMOTIONS Last Exit To Exeter Daddy Bet on Ponies -or- I’ve Got The Horse Right Here, His Name Is Abandonment Head In The Clouds, Feet… My favorite poem from Good Winter, Mr. Rathbone (And Other Tomes of Seasons...
I am seriously considering eating ALL the snacks.
I went to Whole Foods today and this happened:
A woman in a Stephen Hawking-style motorized wheelchair came up to me in the cheeses section. She was middle aged, with a thick Russian accent and had full make up, clothes and jewelry done. But it was clear she had no use of her limbs. Russian Lady (looking at the little cubes of cheese samples): “Will you hand me one of those?” Me: “Sure” (I start to hand it to her)...
The hot water spout on the water cooler at my work...
My awful boss: “Well how am I supposed to get water for my tea?” Me: “You’ll have to heat it in the microwave for now until the guy comes to fix it on Thursday” My idiot boss: “Well how do I do that!?” Me: “Just throw it in the microwave for a minute.” My stupid worthless boss: “What?” Then I ate her eyeballs.