“I know we facin a recession But the music y’all makin gonna make it the great depression” Jay-Z - D.O.A (Death of Autotune) FUCK. YES.
“I’m the reason the hood need a dental plan” Clipse Ft. Kanye - Kinda Like a Big Deal
This is what school lunches look like in Berkeley, California And this is what they look like in Brooklyn, New York
I hocked a loogie today for the first time ever. It was entirely an accident and it was so disgusting. I don’t know if you know this, but a loogie is snot that comes out of your mouth.
I lost $119 today. Fell out of my pocket somewhere in Hollywood. I figure this can’t be good. What should I do to get it back?
A police car pulled up beside me at a stop light today. I thought it would be a very funny idea to prank the cops in the following way: Pick my nose until the cops saw me picking my nose, then act very embarrassed that the cops had seen me picking my nose. This was not that funny of an idea or of a prank.
I loves me some Birthday Boys
jonahray: Peter Serafinowicz: 50 Impressions, 2 Mins more and more i become a fan of Peter Serafinowicz (LOOK AROUND YOU, Shaun of the Dead, etc) “I’m gonna commit you-icide”
The Pin Cushion Queen by Tim Burton →
Life isn’t easy for the Pin Cushion Queen. When she sits alone on her throne Pins push through her spleen.
One Hundred Word Story: Barrister Trubabble, Of...
lunchbreak: “You’ve been warned, Barrister Trubabble, the Lullaby Guild does not engage in this sort of vile chicanery!” “Sirs, you must listen, our power is fading! We must engage, adapt, modernize! Gone are the days of composers experimenting with the berceuse! When last did you hear the soothing power behind Brahms’s Lullaby? The lolling comfort of Chopin’s Opus 57? I submit that we...
“the air here dries out my skin but I still...
Uncle Ronnie: Killin (?) it at Brent's Deli in...
Great Aunt Dorothy (95 years old): Billy is taking me to the Red Lobster tomorrow, I have never been before. Uncle Ronnie: I read Lobster. The movie was better.
In Which I Nanny For A Very Precocious 9 Year Old...
The Gay Marriage Edition Willa and her friend Kendall (8 years old) are talking in the backseat of the car while I am driving us to the park. Willa: Lindsay Lohan broke up with her girlfriend. Kendall: She had a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. Do you think that’s weird? Willa: No, I think that as long as you are happy that is all that matters. I think gay people should be allowed to...
One Hundred Word Story: Agent Glenister
lunchbreak: Agent Glenister squinted across the cold, metal table. “Listen, you tub of bitch, I didn’t want to spend my fucking weekend with some fat cow who saw something she shouldn’t. But I am gonna ram this new identity down your throat, and you WILL know it front to back. Because I am the goddamn best.. This is your fucking reality now. Deal with them, or deal with me. Your choice. ...
This made me clap my hands and go “Yayyyyyy!!!”
Joe Mathlete's Imiginary Mixtape for June →
Ulysses S. Cunt - A Picture of Me Fucking Your Mom
Nana Vera: Killin' it while watching the Lakers...
My cousin Danny: Lakers are showing good ball movement Nana Vera: Dirty
This made me laugh. I heart Bryan Safi.
This is really funny to me kulap: Dog Days from Rodney_Ascher I woof this video from Rodney & Josh Fadem. Angela Trimbur is a very convincing kitty.